In Memory of




Obituary for Brenda Hayden Friend

ESSEX JUNCTION/DUXBURY, In loving memory of Brenda Hayden Friend, age 69, who lost her battle to breast cancer on May 27, 2022. Brenda was born in Burlington, Vermont on March 6, 1953 to Raymond and Alice Hayden – the oldest girl in a crew of 10 kids! She was a member of The Holy Family Catholic Church, where she was baptized, confirmed and married. Brenda graduated from Essex High School in 1971 and remained in Essex to raise her family. She spent 25 years working at IBM before retiring early and spending more time doing all the things she loved.

Being with family was what Brenda cherished the most – whether she was planning a tea party with her grandkids or reunion for the entire family she thought of all the details, came with an arsenal of decorations, organized everything and everyone and always showed up dressed for the occasion! Even if there wasn’t a formal party, she would show up for a night of cards with a full spread of snacks, drinks and a bag packed just in case – because you never knew what a night with your family might bring! The memories of such occasions are endless <3

Brenda and her husband Jay spent a lot of time travelling together – she makes quite the co-pilot! They could be found driving around Vermont looking for a good fishing spot or making the drive to Florida for the winter months, seeking some adventures along the way. While in Florida they took their driving to the water where they enjoyed boating and fishing together.

Brenda was amazingly talented and knew what she wanted! There was nothing she couldn’t figure out how to accomplish and everything she did, she did well. If you had a project of any kind, she was your go to for ideas and help. Her talents shined through in everything she did – the gardens she maintained are incredibly beautiful and the paintings she has proudly displayed in many family members’ homes are stunning.

She also had an irresistible passion for shopping and her shopping adventures were an experience! She loved a good garage sale, flea market or to shop any place she saw the word SALE! Because of this, she had and gifted some of the coolest items! And she was always up for negotiating a good bargain – it didn’t matter if she was at the flea market or Saks 5th Avenue, she didn’t think twice about asking for a better price!

Brenda was actively involved in The Red Hat Society and volunteered for an outreach program during her months in Florida each year.

Brenda leaves behind the family she cherished more than anything else. Her husband Jay Friend. Her son Trevor Tourville and wife Sara, their children Danielle, Hunter and Zach. Her son Eric Tourville and his wife Crista, their children Logan, Austin and Emma. Her stepson Keith Friend and children Keegan, Kolby, Nick and Bella. Her stepdaughter Tarah Cantore and husband Vinnie, their children Brittany and Molly. Her nine siblings Dennis, Tom, Steve, Laura, Gary, Nancy, Chris, Cindy and Lindy and their loving families – which is too many to mention when you come from a family of ten kids.

A Celebration of Life will take place on Sunday, June 19th 12:00pm – 6:00pm at The Eagles Club, 42 Centre Drive, Milton, VT. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made in Brenda’s honor to her local Red Hat Society Group – Scarlet Sassy Sisters, 188 Orr Road, Jericho, VT 05465.